Grief Therapy

Grief is a natural and normal, although very painful, response to loss.  It is the internal part of loss, how we feel and thus how we react to loss.  A grief reaction may be experienced in response to a physical loss, such as the death of loved one or pet, or in response to a symbolic or social loss, such as loss of job, divorce, or a loss of a home.  All loss is the absence of someone that was loved or something that fulfilled a significant role in one’s life.

Grief is best considered a journey or a process.  It is not simply a series of events that fit into a structured timeline. There is typically not a clear beginning or ending to grief.  One may experience societal pressure to get past a loss and through the grief quickly, but it is important to know that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.  The methods for coping with loss may depend on one’s personality, the relationship with the person or thing that was lost, as well as one’s cultural and religious background.  Grief is the healing process that ultimately brings us comfort and helps us eventually identify ways to move on with our lives.  We don’t necessarily get over a significant loss, but we can learn to live with that loss.

Grief can be experienced in various forms of mental, emotional, physical, and social reactions.  Shock is typically the first reaction to a loss and entails feeling stunned, numb, and/or in disbelief regarding the loss.  Mental or emotional reactions often involve feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, and despair.  People often feel overwhelmed, unable to concentrate or focus, preoccupied with the loss, and unable to make decisions.  Physical reactions to loss can involve sleeping problems, changes in appetite and eating habits, and physical problems or illness, such as fatigue, headaches, stomachaches, and nausea.  Social reactions to loss can include role changes in the family, difficulty returning to work or a daily routine, differences in feelings and behavior in social and family situations.  Some people find themselves withdrawing from social situations and feel unable to act or feel normal.  Grief is an all encompassing process that requires both physical and emotional energy, thus it is not unusual for one who is grieving to feel exhausted.

In the phases of recovery and acceptance, the goal of grieving is not to eliminate the pain or the memories of the loss.  The goal is to reorganize one’s life so that the loss is incorporated as a part of one’s life, but no longer the all-consuming center.  The loss is still felt, but the person is better able to accept the loss and resume a “normal” routine with the ability to reinvest time, attention, energy, and emotion into other aspects of life.  People who have experienced a loss have the choices.  Some try to avoid the pain and emotions of grief in hopes of forgetting the loss.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen and ignored grief tends to continue to cause pain and problems.  The other option is to recognize the significance of the loss and deal with grief process.  This takes courage, patience, and support.  Taking care of oneself in the aftermath of a loss is vital.  Eating well, getting rest, and exercising are important.  Participating in some of the activities that one used to enjoy can be comforting and distracting.  Preparing for holidays and the anniversary date of the loss is important.  These are likely to be times where feelings and memories are triggered and making arrangements to be with others and planning commemorative activities is beneficial.

Finally, talking about your loss is imperative. Talk with friends and family who will be understanding and available to listen. However, sometimes the grief process can become complex and problematic. In these situations, grief counseling provided by a licensed professional is an important resource in navigating the challenges of the grief process.  Grief counseling can be in the form of support groups or individual therapy.   The intent of talking about the loss is to help one learn to recognize and identify the types of emotions one is feeling about the loved one or thing and about the death or loss.  Some people find that they have mixed emotions and possibly unresolved issues that need to be addressed in order to move on.  In grief counseling, one can be helped with developing the ability to experience and adjust to painful, grief-related life changes, find effective ways to cope with these changes, and establish an ongoing relationship with the person or thing that was lost.  Staying healthy, keeping functional and reestablishing relationships with others are all goals of grief counseling.

If you need help resolving a significant loss contact one of the psychologists at PFPA. You can read about them at:

             www.powersferrypsychology.com/meetourtherapists.htm

References include the following:

www.caringinfo.org – Caring Connections, a program of the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO)

www.couns.uiuc.edu – Counseling Center at the University of Illinois