Grief Therapy
Grief is a natural and
normal, although very painful, response to loss. It is the internal part of
loss, how we feel and thus how we react to loss. A grief reaction may be
experienced in response to a physical loss, such as the death of loved one
or pet, or in response to a symbolic or social loss, such as loss of job,
divorce, or a loss of a home. All loss is the absence of someone that was
loved or something that fulfilled a significant role in one’s life.
Grief is best considered
a journey or a process. It is not simply a series of events that fit into a
structured timeline. There is typically not a clear beginning or ending to
grief. One may experience societal pressure to get past a loss and through
the grief quickly, but it is important to know that there is no right or
wrong way to grieve. The methods for coping with loss may depend on one’s
personality, the relationship with the person or thing that was lost, as
well as one’s cultural and religious background. Grief is the healing
process that ultimately brings us comfort and helps us eventually identify
ways to move on with our lives. We don’t necessarily get over a significant
loss, but we can learn to live with that loss.
Grief can be experienced
in various forms of mental, emotional, physical, and social reactions.
Shock is typically the first reaction to a loss and entails feeling stunned,
numb, and/or in disbelief regarding the loss. Mental or emotional reactions
often involve feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, and despair.
People often feel overwhelmed, unable to concentrate or focus, preoccupied
with the loss, and unable to make decisions. Physical reactions to loss can
involve sleeping problems, changes in appetite and eating habits, and
physical problems or illness, such as fatigue, headaches, stomachaches, and
nausea. Social reactions to loss can include role changes in the family,
difficulty returning to work or a daily routine, differences in feelings and
behavior in social and family situations. Some people find themselves
withdrawing from social situations and feel unable to act or feel normal.
Grief is an all encompassing process that requires both physical and
emotional energy, thus it is not unusual for one who is grieving to feel
exhausted.
In the phases of
recovery and acceptance, the goal of grieving is not to eliminate the pain
or the memories of the loss. The goal is to reorganize one’s life so that
the loss is incorporated as a part of one’s life, but no longer the
all-consuming center. The loss is still felt, but the person is better able
to accept the loss and resume a “normal” routine with the ability to
reinvest time, attention, energy, and emotion into other aspects of life.
People who have experienced a loss have the choices. Some try to avoid the
pain and emotions of grief in hopes of forgetting the loss. Unfortunately,
this doesn’t happen and ignored grief tends to continue to cause pain and
problems. The other option is to recognize the significance of the loss and
deal with grief process. This takes courage, patience, and support. Taking
care of oneself in the aftermath of a loss is vital. Eating well, getting
rest, and exercising are important. Participating in some of the activities
that one used to enjoy can be comforting and distracting. Preparing for
holidays and the anniversary date of the loss is important. These are
likely to be times where feelings and memories are triggered and making
arrangements to be with others and planning commemorative activities is
beneficial.
Finally, talking about
your loss is imperative. Talk with friends and family who will be
understanding and available to listen. However, sometimes the grief process
can become complex and problematic. In these situations, grief counseling
provided by a licensed professional is an important resource in navigating
the challenges of the grief process. Grief counseling can be in the form of
support groups or individual therapy. The intent of talking about the loss
is to help one learn to recognize and identify the types of emotions one is
feeling about the loved one or thing and about the death or loss. Some
people find that they have mixed emotions and possibly unresolved issues
that need to be addressed in order to move on. In grief counseling, one can
be helped with developing the ability to experience and adjust to painful,
grief-related life changes, find effective ways to cope with these changes,
and establish an ongoing relationship with the person or thing that was
lost. Staying healthy, keeping functional and reestablishing relationships
with others are all goals of grief counseling.
If you need help
resolving a significant loss contact one of the psychologists at PFPA. You
can read about them at:
www.powersferrypsychology.com/meetourtherapists.htm
References include the following:
www.caringinfo.org – Caring Connections, a program of the National
Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO)
www.couns.uiuc.edu – Counseling Center at the University of Illinois
www.DavidKessler.org – David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
